I finally had the chance to enjoy some alone time tonight. It was just me, my bible, my journal, a bowl of chicken noodle soup and hot tea. It was glorious. My alone time is very important to me, I can't survive without it. Selah's naps have only been 1/2 hour long at best lately and that doesn't give me much time to myself, especially when there are a thousand things screaming at me to get done. And it never ends.
But tonight, tonight my amazing husband put my daughter to bed so I could spend some time alone. I love him.
I was looking through my journal that has been rejected for too long and found an entry from when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Selah. To preempt this a little bit, I sometimes am not so confident in my ability to parent. The biggest struggle for me is night. She still wakes up about 3 times a night. I am a heavy sleeper, and it has always been hard for me to be woken up. I am not complaining, its just been a struggle for me. Anyways, add that on top of every opposing view on how to parent and assumed expectations, it makes parenting a stressful job.
"I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me."
This is what I wrote at 12 weeks prego. I was worried about my ability to be a good parent. "I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me. " I needed to be reminded of that. He is confident in my ability to raise Selah as a functioning piece of society. He is confident in my ability to show her what love is. He is confident in my ability to choose what is right for our family. He is confident in me. HE is confident in me. He is confident in me. He is confident in me.
I do have to say, though, that the Lord is so faithful. I can only rely on His Grace and Mercy in the middle of the night. When I realize that and fully rely on Him to help me wake up and take care of Selah, instead of trying to do it in my own power (which I completely fail at), His Grace shines through my ugliness. If I ask for His grace, He freely gives.
Please pray for me as I continue on this journey as mom, and struggle sometimes to wake up in the middle of the night, and I will pray for my friends who are on the same road! Love you and blessings.
Glitter Granny Blanket
9 years ago
ah, this is just what I needed to hear. I wish you got more confident as a mom the more you do it, but for me it seems the older my boys get the more I feel less capable of providing what they need. HE is confident in ME. in ME! unbelievable!
ReplyDelete-abby
Oh sweet girl, my heart aches for you, I have been there and am there just in a different stage. I know how MUCH it can all be, but you are right that all things are possible in his strength. If you need an ear I would love to be it. My email is jjones523@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteYou are who he chose to be at this place at this time, you were and are called.
God Bless,
Cha Cha
Alone time is SOOOO important! Glad I found your blog through your comment at Craftaholics Anonymous & thanks for telling me that those things were used as Coffee Racks. Learn something new every day!
ReplyDeleteLadies, thanks so much for your comments! Cha Cha, I love reading your blog and am blessed by your kind words, even though I just realized that they were there! SO sorry! I plan on writing more in this blog, so hopefully it won't take me 9 months to reply. :)
ReplyDelete