Home is Wherever I am with You

After spending the day painting, I am exhausted. We have bought our first home. We move in next week and are taking the coming week to prepare and get the house ready. As I sat in our empty living room yesterday with the kids running around, gratefulness overwhelmed me. I never thought that we would be able to buy a house, but the Lord has blessed us and made it possible. I have so many dreams for this home. That my children will feel safe, that our friends and family will always feel welcome and at peace when they walk through our front door. That His love would overflow out of our home into the streets of our neighborhood and city. These are all things I have hoped for in any place that we have lived, but I feel like now I can really make our home into our space. The responsibility of it all is a little overwhelming to me, but God is good, always, and I know He will take care of us, no matter what the future holds for us. We are willing to learn and excited to explore our new piece of territory.

As we were driving home from picking the kids up, a feeling of being homesick swept over me. I am often hit with this overwhelming feeling. I can be sitting in my own living room, in the best chair in the house and still be missing home (like I am right now). I have never been quite sure as to why this hits me. Maybe I miss the days of my youth, that were simpler and not as busy. Or maybe I miss being taken care of instead of being the care taker. I don't know. But in the van tonight something occured to me. Maybe this feeling of homesickness is the Lord. Maybe it is my spirit groaning for His Kingdom. Maybe this will occur until that day that I am Home, with my Father, celebrating and dancing before His throne. Maybe it is my soul pining for Heaven on earth. I love my life here on earth. I love my husband and my two beautiful children. I love our family and friends. I love our home and can't wait to really make it home for my family. I am not going anywhere soon if I can help it, but I will rejoice on that day that I am truly Home. I will think of Him every time a wave of homesickness sweeps over from now on.

Daily Bread

Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Prov 30:8

Two posts in one night, who should be so lucky! I have something that has been on my heart and mind and it didn't quite fit in with the last post, so I decided I would post twice.

When I think of simplicity, I think back to 6(?) years ago when I went on a missions trip to Nicaragua with Pit Crew, a young adult group that chased after the heart of God. That was when my heart was really implanted with the idea of simplicity. I didn't grow up with alot, coming from a low income family, so I think I have just always lived a simple lifestyle just out of the way I grew up. But simplicity took root in an even deeper way during that trip. We stayed in the homes of the families there and they gave up everything for us, their beds, their food, what little money they had to buy us toy tops. Our family took us to their little cabin, made from wood and trash bags, to feed us lunch in the most beautiful setting surrounded by luscious green plants and the biggest butterflies I have ever seen. We played with our tops and laughed with each other. My roommate and I were even given some of their family photos, they wanted us to have something to remember them with. The people of Nicaragua live out of complete simplicity and content, not holding any value to what they owned. They know that their relationships with each other and those around them are more important than the things and stuff they own.


I experienced some amazing things that trip, and after coming home from a third world country, I remember having absolutely no desire whatsoever to go shopping or accumulate a ton of stuff, I was content with what I had. After a while, though, the ways of this world and pressures to be cool and acceptable sucked me in once again and I soon fell into that pit.

All that to say, my word for this year is "simplicity". I am not making a resolution, but I feel this will be my theme for the year, if you will. Simplicity starts with a mind-set, I believe, and when you live out of that mindset, the physical will follow. Less clutter, both mentally, spiritually, and physically. When we learn to be content with what we have, we no longer feel the need or the draw to obtain more things. I am just now learning what this really means and will probably process alot of it out on this blog. Hopefully, who ever, if anyone, reads this can bear with me and learn along with me what it means to live out of simplicity.

Now, I know that with a new baby coming, this will be harder to do, but I look forward to living in a way that my family can learn and grow in love with each other without all the distractions that come with today's world. I am not saying that we will be hermits, by any means, but I hope that we can teach our children, and learn more ourselves, to connect with people on a physical, more personal level outside of email and texting and all the other distractions. That is just one part of living in simplicity.

I should go for now, but there will be much more where this comes from... :) Blessings, friends.

10 months later...

So its been quite a while since I wrote last. Good news, my baby girl is now sleeping through the night! :) Well, she's transformed into a toddler and has been sleeping through the night for quite awhile now. Soon, though, we will be entering the world of sleepless nights once again once baby boy Perkins arives. Only 8 more weeks to the due date (March 24), and these last few weeks I know will fly by. We are very excited and nervous to meet him, and have finally settled on a name, I think. But you won't know until he is born, we're keeping it to ourselves for now, just in case we change our minds... again.

Selah is now 19 months old, and quite a handful. She provides us with lots of entertainment, and constantly makes me laugh. She is so sweet, and also so stubborn. Her favorite word right now is "No" said with the attitude and furrowed brow only a toddler can have. I love watching her grow into her personality, she is such a social butterfly and loves to be around other kids/people, often walking right up to a kid she doesn't know and giving them a hug as that other child just stands there motionless trying to figure out why this little person is touching them. On the other hand, she also loves to have her alone time and be able to explore things on her own. I can't imagine loving another child as much as I do her, but I think I will soon find out that it is possible.

I am still not always so confident of my parenting abilities, and it just gets harder the older Selah gets. Everytime we are in the nursery at church together and she smacks another child, I cringe in embarrassment, afraid of the judgment from the other workers there. I think that I probably judge myself a lot more than anyone else really does. Why do we put so much expectation on ourselves? Every mom was a new mom at some point in time, so we really should show grace and love towards each other, right?

More than two years later and I still always fall back on that one phrase. And it just becomes more true everyday.

"I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me".

He's perfect in my imperfections

I finally had the chance to enjoy some alone time tonight. It was just me, my bible, my journal, a bowl of chicken noodle soup and hot tea. It was glorious. My alone time is very important to me, I can't survive without it. Selah's naps have only been 1/2 hour long at best lately and that doesn't give me much time to myself, especially when there are a thousand things screaming at me to get done. And it never ends.

But tonight, tonight my amazing husband put my daughter to bed so I could spend some time alone. I love him.

I was looking through my journal that has been rejected for too long and found an entry from when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Selah. To preempt this a little bit, I sometimes am not so confident in my ability to parent. The biggest struggle for me is night. She still wakes up about 3 times a night. I am a heavy sleeper, and it has always been hard for me to be woken up. I am not complaining, its just been a struggle for me. Anyways, add that on top of every opposing view on how to parent and assumed expectations, it makes parenting a stressful job.

"I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me."

This is what I wrote at 12 weeks prego. I was worried about my ability to be a good parent. "I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me. " I needed to be reminded of that. He is confident in my ability to raise Selah as a functioning piece of society. He is confident in my ability to show her what love is. He is confident in my ability to choose what is right for our family. He is confident in me. HE is confident in me. He is confident in me. He is confident in me.

I do have to say, though, that the Lord is so faithful. I can only rely on His Grace and Mercy in the middle of the night. When I realize that and fully rely on Him to help me wake up and take care of Selah, instead of trying to do it in my own power (which I completely fail at), His Grace shines through my ugliness. If I ask for His grace, He freely gives.

Please pray for me as I continue on this journey as mom, and struggle sometimes to wake up in the middle of the night, and I will pray for my friends who are on the same road! Love you and blessings.

I've jumped on the bandwagon

So I have followed my husband's advice and started a blog. It kind of takes me back to xanga days. oh boy. anyways, he seems to think i need an outlet for my opinions. he's probably right. though my goal for this blog isn't really about my opinions. my goal is to have a place to write what i am thinking about, what God is revealing to me, the new crafts i am taking up, and maybe even the new food i am trying. this blog is really me trying connect again with my thoughts. the busy life of mom and wife has drowned my thoughts out a little. so here we go.