He's perfect in my imperfections

I finally had the chance to enjoy some alone time tonight. It was just me, my bible, my journal, a bowl of chicken noodle soup and hot tea. It was glorious. My alone time is very important to me, I can't survive without it. Selah's naps have only been 1/2 hour long at best lately and that doesn't give me much time to myself, especially when there are a thousand things screaming at me to get done. And it never ends.

But tonight, tonight my amazing husband put my daughter to bed so I could spend some time alone. I love him.

I was looking through my journal that has been rejected for too long and found an entry from when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Selah. To preempt this a little bit, I sometimes am not so confident in my ability to parent. The biggest struggle for me is night. She still wakes up about 3 times a night. I am a heavy sleeper, and it has always been hard for me to be woken up. I am not complaining, its just been a struggle for me. Anyways, add that on top of every opposing view on how to parent and assumed expectations, it makes parenting a stressful job.

"I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me."

This is what I wrote at 12 weeks prego. I was worried about my ability to be a good parent. "I find comfort in the Lord, knowing that He is confident in me. " I needed to be reminded of that. He is confident in my ability to raise Selah as a functioning piece of society. He is confident in my ability to show her what love is. He is confident in my ability to choose what is right for our family. He is confident in me. HE is confident in me. He is confident in me. He is confident in me.

I do have to say, though, that the Lord is so faithful. I can only rely on His Grace and Mercy in the middle of the night. When I realize that and fully rely on Him to help me wake up and take care of Selah, instead of trying to do it in my own power (which I completely fail at), His Grace shines through my ugliness. If I ask for His grace, He freely gives.

Please pray for me as I continue on this journey as mom, and struggle sometimes to wake up in the middle of the night, and I will pray for my friends who are on the same road! Love you and blessings.

I've jumped on the bandwagon

So I have followed my husband's advice and started a blog. It kind of takes me back to xanga days. oh boy. anyways, he seems to think i need an outlet for my opinions. he's probably right. though my goal for this blog isn't really about my opinions. my goal is to have a place to write what i am thinking about, what God is revealing to me, the new crafts i am taking up, and maybe even the new food i am trying. this blog is really me trying connect again with my thoughts. the busy life of mom and wife has drowned my thoughts out a little. so here we go.